dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
