You can't motorboat a personality
I skipped work to stalk him.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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