So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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