I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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