I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
