Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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