Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have aggressive nipples.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
