Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize