I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
