coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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