I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
