North Korea, Best Korea!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
