I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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