@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
