I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
