The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize