I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
