hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
