whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Say something about gay babies.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
