man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
