I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
