At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
