what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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