Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
