Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
this hospital has no fireball
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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