So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
