Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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