hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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