Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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