Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
