Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
