I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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