he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
