Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
