i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize