Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The beer is more important than you right now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
