dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
