Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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