You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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