i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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