Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
