Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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