I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I won the penis lottery.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
