I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
