its not stalking. its research.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
