yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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