Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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