That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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