and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
