A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
