I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
