Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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