can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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