you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
