This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to make a zoo with you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
