You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
