it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
