At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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