Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
