Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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