Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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