I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
