but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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