He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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