i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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