Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
