i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
