**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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