Sry I called you an 8
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Operation Purity has been aborted
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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