I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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