I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
