So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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