What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
