I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
