I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
