I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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