Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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