Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
