I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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