your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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