I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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