and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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