that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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