wakey wakey hands off snakey
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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