I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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