Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
