we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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