Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
