Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Are my feet made of real feet?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
