RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize