as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
please come you make the beer taste better
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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