Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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