Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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