I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
