why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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