Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
