i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
