Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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